The Relational Field
I read this wonderful post by Simone Olbert that reminded me of the importance of two critical things from a leadership perspective:
Being intentional in the relationship system we create or emanate as leaders,
Our self-awareness of our relationship system.
Here’s her entire post—
You can’t see the system you’re in.
Your team experiences you differently than you experience yourself.
I see this constantly with brilliant leaders who can’t figure out why their teams underperform.
They optimise their skills.
Read the books.
Attend the workshops.
But they miss the invisible force shaping everything: 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲.
Here’s what I mean:
→ You think you’re being helpful.
Your team feels micromanaged.
→ You think you’re setting high standards.
They feel nothing’s ever good enough.
→ You think you’re being decisive.
They feel shut out.
The gap between your intent and their experience? That’s where leadership breaks down.
Most leaders focus on what they do.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲.
Because every leadership problem is a relationship problem.
Technical brilliance won’t save you if the unspoken dynamics are working against you.
The leaders who build thriving teams aren’t always the smartest in the room.
They’re the ones who can see and shift what’s happening in the space between people.
👉 What’s one way your team might experience you differently than you experience yourself?
ORSC
When I took my ORSC (Organizational Relationship Systems Coaching) training in late 2019-20, I became aware of this notion of a relationship system.
And it’s hung with me ever since, as I reflect on it (past-present-future) from my leadership point of view and within my practice of Agile Coaching.
I think a key in Simone’s post is the knowledge that we’re ALL creating a relationship system or field, whether we know it or not. The key is to be aware and intentional with it.
Masterclass
In our EBAC masterclass, we place a large focus on:
Systemic awareness
Systemic coaching
Relationship building
Meta-skills
But one area that’s been lacking is in assessing your existing relationship fields.
How do you do that Bob?
In the Leadership case
Three critical things come to mind:
Finding yourself a solid leadership coach who you trust and who will share their observations and insights with you (advice, counsel, mentoring) and not just ask you questions. A big part of this is asking yourself: “Am I coachable?”
Using assessment tools to gain insights into how you are perceived within your teams and across the organization. For example: the Leadership Circle Profile or Leadership Agility.
Finally, listen and discern. Deeply, broadly, and humbly. Often, we miss information because we’re not listening actively enough.
In the Agile Coaching case
See #1 above.
See #2 above.
See #3 above.
I would add working on your self-awareness via journaling. Capturing observations of yourself and the systems in which you operate. Not only what you’re seeing, but what you aren’t seeing. For example, if nobody is asking to be coached by you, is there something in there you can discern about your relationship field?
Finally, I would add your awareness of your relationship system. This largely comes with experience and honing your sensemaking skills over time. I’ll call this your “gut feel” in your coaching or trusting your instincts. The more experience I’ve had, the more I’ve learned to trust what I think less and what I feel more. Again, I capture much of this in my journaling practice.
Wrapping Up
This idea might not resonate with leaders who have a sharp analytical or business sense, but your relationship field is a thing. And it’s a thing to ignore at your peril.
And in this new world of AI, the AI will not be able to discern your relationship field. Unfortunately, that is still something left for us poor humans to discern. Now and in the foreseeable future.
Stay agile and field aware, my friends,
Bob.
BTW: I love the diagram below from her post…
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